Noise

I’ve been having a hard time coming up with new topics to write about, and deciding which stories to tell. To be quite honest, 2020 has been amazing for me so far, and we’re only a few weeks in. 

The elation of the past few weeks had me feeling a little guilty—like I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Then, it hit me. I knew what I wanted to talk about.

Guilt. 

It’s natural to feel guilty for smiling during a time of grief. People expect to see tears, they expect to see pain. They expect to find a broken person. When they don’t, they tend to be confused. That confusion often gives way to judgement, which leads to resentment. 

“Why are they so happy? It’s like they don’t even care.”

“What is she laughing for. Is she not taking this seriously?”

It’s incredibly distracting, and if you’re not careful, can knock you right over. It only takes a second for that doubt to creep in and cloud your mind. 

The truth is, you deserve happiness. Yes, grief is expected to be rough, but you don’t stay in the dark forever. It never truly leaves you, but that doesn’t mean it has to control you. 

It’s okay to allow yourself to feel joy. It’s okay to make your own way, and wade through the muck, regardless of how messy it may be. To jumpstart healing, you have to be willing to get your hands dirty. 

Step into those moments, create new memories, and tune out the judgement. 

It’s just noise anyway.