Urgent Rest

Urgency has always been my normal. I could never understand people who would “do things later”.  I would push myself to the point of burnout and then shut down for days at a time. Even during those times of doing nothing, I couldn’t relax because I was too busy feeling guilty for not being productive. 

Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t. Either way, that’s okay. 

I needed to take a break from death. While I couldn’t take a break from the part of it that paid my bills, stepping back from the extracurriculars made sense to me. I love sharing my experiences, and exposing people to a side of this world that they otherwise wouldn’t know existed. It was a release for me.

Lately, instead of feeling a sense of release, this began to feel like a chore. 

So I took a break. I took a break and I made some adjustments. 

I stopped being the first one in the office and the last one out. I thought it would have made more of a difference to the people around me, but it didn’t. 

I started to spend more time feeding the relationships that fed me. Making myself more accessible to the people who I felt deserved it, and restricting access to those who I found draining. 

I enforced my boundaries, and poured into those who poured into me. 

I went swimming with my dog and played fetch with my cat (yes, you read that correctly). 

Most importantly, I started saying no. 

My productivity didn’t suffer, and I was rested. I began to greet each day with gratitude. 

It’s been a weird year, and I don’t see things getting any better for a while, but I do feel far more equipped to take on whatever is next.

It’s okay to slow down. It’s important to rest. Take time to recharge. 

It feels good to be back.